tired.

3 busy weeks finally come to a rest. After burning 2 consecutive long weekends i finally tot i can take a long break this week by taking off, but who knows why, suddenly i am arrowed to do a last min weekend duty again. wtf.

I also dun really rmb wad i was busy with, anyway the past 3 weeks have been tiring, and it doesnt help when i have a very, helpful, professional, honest and selfless colleague.

I cant believe some1 like him can actually have frens. How can u have fun with some1, share secrets with some1 and work with some1 when he constantly backstabs, lies, spread rumor, sabo and who-knows-wad-else-he-does.

Perhaps he really is a nice guy. Perhaps he is jus misunderstood. Perhaps i jus don't know him well enuff.

Maybe.

Haiz all the stupid spec politics.

Today i was disappointed. Went to the embbassy of japan to find out more info for apply for the scholarship. Cleared my doubts about it, im also cleared to apply for it. But apparently if u dun hav straight "A"s for a levels u hardly stand a chance.

i dun hav to kick myself for not studying cos even if i did i think i wouldn be able to get straight As, maybe 1 or 2 if im lucky. Im just nt built for jc.

But my fren more sad. He gpa gt 3.8 ah, supposedly sure get thru the initial screening 1, but by the time he ORD he will be too old for this scholarship.

I pray that he can defer army for it.

Recently i have been so into this thing, i pushed away all other plans i have in life, to make way for it. Now im feeling sad.

I dunno if i should retake a levels so i can stand a better chance to apply for that shit. I haven really thought about if i have enuff time to have effect.

Actually it doesnt help. Unless i can apply to take this year exam. But i dun hav enuff time to study and score excellent grades.

If not, next year july will be the last chance for me to apply. At that point of time even if i apply to take a levels, i haven even take the exam yet.

Haiz....

But maybe i should still apply, for the scholarship.

My mother always tell me the story about she tried to apply to this certain primary skool which is supposed to be hard to get in la. Supposedly u need donate lotsa munnie$ or know them or alumni of the skool. Didn get in thru the first wave, go into the lottery round. Lucky me, i was selected.

But in the end i move hse den transfer skool -.-"

Lau tian zu nong ren.

After asking my frens a few questions, obtain some informations, think think alot about it, i haven decided.

I should try for the scholarship no matter wad, at least i have A chance.
I need better A levels results to stand a higher chance.
But i must apply for this year's paper, or else its too late.
And guess what, last day of late application is 31 MAY.
3 days.

So many factors could have denied this outcome.
If i didn took the initiative to plan the platoon schedule i wouldn have freed myself from duty this weekend.
Den i wouldn have taken off.
At the same time if CSM didn burn my long weekends to miserable alternate duties i wouldn have wanted to take off this week to compensate myself.
stone could have been out or appearing offline.
LG could have been watching anime fullscreen for the whole night.
YJ could have been busy and thus unable to go there.

This reminds me of benjamin buttons.

I say this is a chance. One and only chance.

I do well or not, its the only chance i can ever have.

I think i'll do it.

I will apply for this year a levels.